She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
