Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
