i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
