Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
