dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
