I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
