I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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