Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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