I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
