He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
