what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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