I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
