I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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