i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
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