OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
