By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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