did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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