He uses pillows to masturbate.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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