The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
