do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We're too hungover to prance.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
