It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
