College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
