i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
