No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I am one with the molecules
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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