We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
