Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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