we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I AM VODKA MAN
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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