they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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