I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
