I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
