one two three fourrrrnication!
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
