Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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