Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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