I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
