Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
