he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
