don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
