i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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