if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
