i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
