I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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