We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
