Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
