There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
