so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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