He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just found puke in my bra..
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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