It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
