WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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