FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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