That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
