i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
