Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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